Carnival of Aces August 2018: Stages of Coming Out
Welcome one and all, a little belatedly, to the August edition of the Carnval of Aces. It’s a little soon after last time for me to host, but I had an idea and there was a spot, so away we go. I do encourage everyone to visit the masterpost and sign up as host, though. All you need is a writing prompt and a little time at the start and end of the month.
Last month’s Carnival was hosted by WUT/tricksatops. The theme they chose was Then and Now, comparing a moment in the past and present when it came to asexuality, which was quite a nice format.
The theme
The reflection continues, in honour of Pride this weekend (I’m a little nostalgic), and the Carnival’s first-ever theme, coming out. However, we’re not focusing on the tip of the iceberg, sitting down with people to tell them you’re [insert orientation here].
Coming out, taken as a whole, is a complex emotional journey comparable to culture shock or grief. It has stages, is a catalyst for personal development. It brings with it a wealth of feelings, thoughts choices and, in the end, visible changes in how you live and relate to others.
So this August, let’s talk about the stages of coming out. For this, I’m using Vivienne Cass’s identity model.
The prompt
Have a look at the stages of coming out and then see which of the following questions appeals to you:
- Identity confusion – first (uncomfortable) inklings of being different somehow.
- Identity comparison – seeking out information and thinking about being different, perhaps.
- Identity tolerance – finding similar people and engaging with rising doubts as identity slowly shifts.
- Identity acceptance – making peace with a shift in (a)sexual orientation, tentatively opening up to others and processing the emotions that come with the change.
- Identity pride – a sense of freedom, a wish to advertise the change in identity..
- Identity synthesis – braiding together the new identity with the rest of oneself to make a whole.
Prompt questions
- Where are you at now?
- What was a time of healing or conflict?
- When did you change, though it may not have been visible to the people around you?
- Was there a stage you paused at or revisited?
- How much does this model reflect your experience?
- Is this a useful model for the asexual community to adopt to talk about coming out or are there better alternatives?
Submitting a post
- Leave a link to your contribution, be it post or vlog or art piece, in the comments.
- Send your contribution to my email: demiandproud@gmail.com.
- Submit your story through this google form to have it hosted as guest post.
If you have specific preferences for pronouns and/or descriptions for your submission, let me know those as well, please.
Further reading
Since this month’s theme is based on a bit of theory, here are some links to read a little more about it.
Posted on August 3, 2018, in carnival of aces and tagged asexual, asexual community, carnival of aces, coming out, lgbtqia, queer theory, representation. Bookmark the permalink. 23 Comments.
Thanks for the topic. I’m looking forward to writing for it, but I don’t think I’ll find the Cass model very useful. In my case, I think I basically recognised and accepted my own aceness by the end of high school – although I wasn’t introduced to the concept of human asexuality till a few years later. Once I did learn about asexuality, the journey became about finding space and language for my own peculiar brand of aceness within the larger asexual community.
LikeLiked by 2 people
That actually sounds like a really good thing to explore, if you go direction.
LikeLike
I posted about where I am right now: https://sashablogsacestuff.wordpress.com/2018/08/07/carnival-august-2018/
I didn’t really talk about the model that much…I hope it still fits. This is my first time participating in a blogging carnival.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Sasha! I’m glad you shared and I’m honoured to be the host for your first participation in something like this. It’s a lovely way to find something to write about each month
LikeLike
Thanks for the interesting topic! My post can be found here: https://wordpress.com/post/datingwhileace.wordpress.com/189
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for contributing your thoughts!
LikeLike
Hello! I have a submission for the Carnival of Aces https://acubedblog.wordpress.com/2018/08/16/carnival-of-aces-august-2018-coming-out/
LikeLiked by 1 person
Loved the reflection on how stoicism helped you find answers when they were less present in your immediate vicinity. It really made me think.
LikeLike
My submission:
https://acefilmreviews.wordpress.com/2018/08/25/stages-of-coming-out-my-journey-to-ace-identification/
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
LikeLike
My submission! A prose poem: https://cpbwrites.wordpress.com/2018/08/28/carnival-of-aces-stages-of-coming-out/
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nice one!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Getting this in just under the wire haha
https://almostalmost.wordpress.com/2018/08/30/carnival-of-aces-stages-of-coming-out/
LikeLike
Pingback: Carnival of Aces: Then and Now | The Asexual Agenda
Pingback: Identity Tolerance (maybe?) – Sasha's journey into ace space
Pingback: Coming out? – Dating While Ace
Pingback: Carnival of Aces August 2018: Coming Out – A³
Pingback: Stages of Coming Out: My Journey to Ace Identification – Ace Film Reviews
Pingback: Carnival of Aces: Stages of Coming Out – Sketches
Pingback: Carnival of Aces: Stages of Coming Out | Almost, Almost
Pingback: Marriage Without Sex or Ceremony | Demisexual and Proud
Pingback: Marriage Without – notes | Demisexual and Proud
Pingback: Carnival of Aces August 2018 – All Contributions | Demisexual and Proud