Single, But Not Alone

“In five years, when we all have families, with or without kids…”

I’ve fallen out of touch with secondary school friends, as you do when you move to other cities and choose different universities and majors. Still, we’ve managed to see each other for some big life events, one of which happened this month.

After the initial stiff how-do-you-dos and overviews of the recent past, we reminisced. About the past, but mostly about the future, now that we’d all reached that limbo of adulthood between being a student and a respectable member of society.

The subject of choice this evening, an imaginary point five years in the future, when we’d see each other again, our early thirties. We’d have partners, from our gender of choice, and some of us would have kids. We’d catch up, have fun, let the kids run around. Be set for life.

But… we’d all have families, was the assumption.

Will I? I thought. I don’t know.

So far, I’ve been single and rarely bothered by that fact in itself.

What I don’t want is to live alone and thinking about it, I rarely have. All told, less than a year out of my life.

I moved out early. Then, like most people with small purses and studies to complete, I lived in rooms with family members or land ladies or room mates. Every time under the assumption it was necessary and temporary. Interspersed with regular visits to the parents to relax.

The dream always being that I’d someday reach nirvana, a salary big enough to buy my own house and a little later, support a family together with my partner. A dream dreamt by society.

I’m not sure it’s my dream.

I want to explore relationships, yes, I know that much, but I’m not sure I need or want one for the rest of my life, if I don’t meet a person I fall in love with. I do know I love company.

My thoughts turn to old stories about spinsters living together. To Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. To the many ads for room mates nowadays and how many friends end up living together for a few years after college.

What if I lived like that the next few decades, rather than starting a family?

I honestly wouldn’t mind. I’d love to find someone, preferably a family member or a good friend with whom I can share my living space.

I could be single, but not alone, not a single-person household. Not if I can help it.


Posted on September 1, 2015, in Personal reflection and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. I feel this so hard. I completely understand what you mean about being satisfied without the relationship side of life. But I also feel the way you do about loving company. While I know that I wouldn’t mind living on my own with my cats, I know that eventually I would crave the human contact that ‘normal’ people take for granted. Maybe we can be roommates one day 😉


  2. Carmilla DeWinter

    Oh yes. Of course, my personal history is slightly different – I’ve been living on my own for ten years now – but there came the day when I had to ask myself if these vague thoughts of “family” actually included a husband and having my own children. The answer was “actually, yuck”. So, yeah, I’d love to be the Sherlock to some Watson or move into Avengers Tower or somesuch.


  1. Pingback: Linkspam: September 4th, 2015 | The Asexual Agenda

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