I’m a doctor, Jim, not a prescription dispenser

“Doctor, I want the female Viagra thingy, Ah-dee-dee-yee. Can you just get me prescription?”

“I generally want to get to know my patients, so let’s… talk first.”

“I’m in a hurry.”

“Please sit down, ma’am. Thank you. Why do you feel you need this drug?”

“Well… to have more sex.”

“What has led up to that?”

“Well, someone I know mentioned in and we got talking… so my husband said we should try it out. There’s no shame in getting a little help, y’know, when you can’t…. get revved up as easily as others.”

“Do you personally desire to have more sex?”

“I – I don’t know… not really, I guess… I mean, I like the activity once in a while but…”

“So you are satisfied with the intimacy as it is now?”

“No. I mean, I’d like more of it. But not orgasms. More… y’know, all the rest of it. Touching each other.”

“You’ve discussed this with your husband?”

“Not really, no. It’s awkward, y’know, talking about sex.”

“More so than having it?”

“Oh hell, yeah. I mean, you stutter and blush and there’s just so many words not coming out of my mouth.”

“Then perhaps… try to learn to talk and see if you can’t fulfill both your desires? It’ll be a lot cheaper and less harmful than chemicals. I can refer you to a good counselor, if necessary.”

“Oh… yes. Right. Yes, of course, thank you. I’m gonna, uh.”

“Have a good day ma’am. Oh, and ma’am?”

“Yes, doctor?”

“If you’re in need of a mild stimulant, might I suggest a glass of red wine with dinner? It’s actually more effective and has far less side-effects.”

“Oh… right… Thank you. I’ll keep it in mind. Goodbye, doctor.”

“Goodbye, ma’am.”

“Next, please. Hello, ma’am, please take a seat.”

“Oh, that’s not necessary Doctor, I just need a prescription for that female Viagra I read about in the newspapers.”

“…have a seat, ma’am. Let’s talk about it, first.”

“No, I’m fine, otherwise, really, and I’m on my way to work, so if you could just -”

“We don’t prescribe it ma’am, for some very good reasons, have a seat, let me tell you why, and perhaps we can find a solution to your problem that does work. Alright?”

“Yes, Doctor.”

The newspapers in Holland keep referring to it as female Viagra. Le sigh. I really hope these are prescription drugs, at least, not available over-the-counter.

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Posted on August 29, 2015, in Creative writing and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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