Dimensions of Sexual Self, Sexuality and Relationships

8-dimensional cubeLet’s start with labels. In one of my first post I explained that I understood sexuality to have two spectra, the Kinsey scale and the degree in which you wish to have sex, of which one end is “asexuality” and I’m pretty close to. I adopted the identity “demisexuality” as the one matching my experiences the closest. In the previous post I said I treat language clumsily where my exploration of my sexuality is concerned, and this is the first step in remedying that. Before diving into the details, let’s see if I can explain the framework of thought I’ve developed while reading about asexuality, an expansion on that initial model.

I visualise theories. I see sexualities as a set of dimensions, plates of glass stretching in every direction, with dots hovering between them, densely in some places and further apart in others.

Dimensions of sexual self

  • Sex – a designation that describes which type of genitalia and set of secondary sexual characteristics (what you got as a teenager) you have, usually male or female.
  • Gender – the complicated construct that describes a role in society or an identity, based on your perceived or preferred sex, also usually male or female.
  • Cisgender, transgender, genderfluid – the degree to which your sex matches your gender.
  • Masculine, feminine – how much you conform to the gender with which you identify or are identified.
  • Effeminate, butch – how much you resemble the gender with which you do not identify or as which you are not identified.

Dimensions of sexuality

  • Asexual, graysexual, demisexual, allosexual?, sexual, hypersexual – the degree to which you wish to think about sex, feel you want to have sex, desire imaginary lovers or scenarios and feel desire towards actual partners and in actual sexual scenarios.
  • Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, Kinsey scale – your sexual orientation or your preference in partners for sexual intercourse and smaller sexual acts.
  • Romantic, aromantic (also –romantic) – the degree to which you desire romantic behaviour in a relationship which may or may not include sex. Can also be used to describe orientation if one is asexual.
  • Masturbation, autosexual, ? – The degree to which you engage or wish to engage in sexual acts without a partner.
  • Asexual, sexually active, celibate, promiscuous, virginal, antisexual, sex-repulsed – The degree to which you wish to have sex or engage in sexual activity at a certain point in time.

Dimensions of relationships

  • –amory, only polyamory the number of partners you prefer to have at the same time, usually only specified if you prefer more than one.
  • Monogamy, bigamy, polygamy, polyandry the number of preferred partners present in a relationship formalised in the legal and/or religious sense.

Trouble with the dimensions

Though I visualise my understanding this way, I do not have words for everything

  • I miss names for most of the categories.
  • Sex and gender’s items have identical names, male and female.
  • Some items have several names (and will have more names), e.g. pansexual/omnisexual
  • In several categories, I’m not sure what the items should be named, such as performing sexual acts or wishing to perform them without a partner, and the opposite of polyamory.
  • The asexual category is ‘rich’, it’s almost got too many features to be just one category.
  • One category (effeminate, butch) has only insulting items, but I feel it is independent from the others, so I included it anyway.
  • I don’t have words for some stuff, such as the opposite of polyamory (monoamory?), though its colloquial antonym  is monogamy, I think relationships and marriages are different beasts, and one can exist without the other, though it’s preferable to at least have the relationship.

In all, it’s a work in progress. I had more material, but it didn’t really fit in with the rest, but for your amusement:

Bonus: Dimensions of society

  • Heteronormativity, amatonormativity, patriarchy – the dominance of one item in a certain dimension, usually the most densely populated one, to the exclusion and usually discrimination of others.
  • Homophobia, transphobia – the degree to which society fears, denies and wishes to eliminate items in a certain dimension, usually one held by a minority in the population.
  • Feminist, LGBT activist – a member of a society seeking to eliminate -normativity, -phobia or -archy.
  • Intersectional — – a member of society seeking to eliminate discrimination in several dimensions at once.

Bonus: Two stereotypesSuperman with gunCinderella

The cisgender masculine male, who is hypersexual, heterosexual, aromantic and promiscuous, is polyamorous, but monogamous for the right partner.

The cisgender feminine female, who is between sexual and demisexual, heterosexual, romantic, mildly sexually active and monogamous.

Bonus: Quolloquialisms so far

Ace, aro, gay, hetero, trans, bi.

Images:

http://emeagwali.com/education/inventions-discoveries/8-dimensional-hypercube.gif

http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/11112/111120002/3674112-8836780165-34722.jpg

http://wondersofdisney2.yolasite.com/resources/cinderella/cinderella/cinderella1.gif

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Posted on July 10, 2015, in Personal reflection, What others say and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

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