I Want to Have Sex Like… demisexual gaze

I Want to Have Sex Like… demisexual gaze

Before tackling full-on sexual fantasy, I wanted to explore the line between what is and is not potentially attractive (and yes, I mean sexually), to me, as demisexual, when I’m just looking.

Here, have two music videos. Your assignment, if you accept, is to watch them both with the sound off.

Robin Thicke, Blurred Lines – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyDUC1LUXSU

Lily Allen, Hard Out Here – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0CazRHB0so

As you can see, these are both full of highly sexual visuals. Both have artists singing and a number of explicitly sexual models or twerkers in the background. Though pretty, as window dressing goes they’re sexually less interesting than a well-decorated chocolate cake, to me. At least the cake will give me a positive-feels rush, should I indulge.

The artists, though, make all the difference. If you don’t know the songs well, watch ’em again with the sound on.

Robin Thicke’s song is a visual egotrip. From the bold hashtags to leading the models around by their pony tails, slapping them, it’s an expression of “I WANT”. Yet… his persona is as blank as the background. Other than his name and his ego, I learn nothing. Same for the lyrics, fake persona or real meaning, it’s all about how much he wishes to bang the girl, fantasies of pulling her away from a man, etc. Nothing about him, how he met her, or even why he’s interested in the ‘good girl’.

A blank slate with a big ‘insert horny dude here’.

Lily Allen’s, song, though, puts her in various situations and she reacts. She, or the role she plays, gets to doubt body image and plastic surgery, hate drying dishes, love sexy dancing and have a middle-aged twerking manager. Same when the sound’s on: she reflects on her place in society, the impact it has and puts some serious question marks out there, all packaged in a deadpan delivery. Easy to empathise with, but way too fleshed out not to be present, as artist.

That’d be a personality that, if I observed her for several months rather than a few minutes, has the potential to be attractive indeed.

It’s the type of media that would attract a demisexual’s gaze, and has a very good chance of becoming sexually loaded.

I say ‘potential’ and ‘chance’ because it’s anyone’s guess if attraction will indeed develop. It’s kind of a crap shoot when your libido’s like an erratic dial-up connection.

About demiandproud

I am a demisexual Christian Dutchwoman who explores the vagaries of what the intersection of those identities means. On my main blog I post a few times a month, my favourite being participating in the Carnival of Aces. I'm exploring writing about my orientation elsewhere. The pride flag in my profile picture was created with 4 eye pencils (black, purple, silver and white).

Posted on June 5, 2015, in Demisexual satisfaction and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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