Sexual Orientation: Heterodemisexual

Sexuality is commonly misunderstood as being an on-off switch. By which I mean that a lot of people ask, “Are you gay or straight?” and there is little room for subtlety and other categories, such as bisexuality, or the fact that the level to which you’re attracted to one gender might be independent from the level to which you’re attracted to the other, or the fact that gender isn’t binary either: people can be intersex, transgender or other. That’s not even touching the levels of attraction, romantic versus sexual, for example.

Not to mention there are a thousand other factors that come into play with attraction. For example: when I am attracted to men, I pay far more attention to voice than looks. Yet I’ve rarely heard of someone being audibly sexy, rather than visibly.

I think it’s unfair, and I think the same is true for sexual vs. asexual. Either you want to have sex with people, or you don’t, is the assumption.

It’s a spectrum, and even that is simplification. But it’s a more developed idea than there just being one of two boxes to check. So. Here’s sexual orientation as I understand it, plotted along two axes, the extent to which you are sexual, and the extent to which you are attracted to one gender or the other. I’m labeling them libido and Kinsey, for convenience’s sake.

My sexuality in a graph

The white dot is me. This is more a rendition of my mental image than a scientific representation, mind, but I’d like to think it approaches truth. I also like to think there’s still plenty of people off the map completely.

I find that I am not very attracted to people. I need to know them well, and then I start feeling attracted. Not the “deep emotional connection” that is often quoted, but I do need affection and a rather deep level of trust. When I am attracted to people, fictional or real, they are often men.

So there you have my orientation: demisexual and heterosexually inclined.

What’s yours?

If you want more information about the Kinsey Scale, go to the website of the Kinsey Institute.


Posted on May 18, 2015, in Personal reflection and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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